Mr. and Mrs. Smith

The Good:
Though I tend to be a fan of Brad Pitt more in his weirdo than his sex-symbol roles, I actually really liked both he and Angelina Jolie. They were funny and badass and just seemed to be enjoying themselves - which made you enjoy the movie. Of course, now we all know they really WERE enjoying themselves...

Vince Vaughn really stole the show for me in this movie, yet again. He was just hysterical. Reminded me of Dan Aykroyd's performance in Grosse Pointe Blank where he almost overtook John Cusack.

The Bad:
The action sequences were a little over the top - but that's pretty much ALL action movies for me.

There wasn't a lot of plot, or there wasn't a lot of backbone in the plot that there was - but again, that's most action movies for me.

All in all:
It's fun - just don't think too hard.

Unbreakable

The Good:
Samuel L. Jackson.

I found the framing of the film to be very well done. It seemed more like the panels of a comic book which added to the intended super-heroesque feel of the film.

The Bad:
Bruce Willis. I am well aware that my dislike of Mr. Moonlighting often clouds my judgment of movies that I might have otherwise liked. I don't think this was the case here. He just always seems like that generic not really believable action "hero from Die Hard. Like he's just incapable of doing anything else. In the case of this film, much like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, I was left thinking mostly "if this is who we have to depend on to save the proverbial world - then we're fucked". If I'm going to watch a BW film I'll probably just go back to 12 Monkeys or Sin City and just try to forget this one.

As with most Shyamalan films it just felt staged - like it was trying way too hard to be the cool brain teaser thriller. It failed in all regards.

All in all:
This was by far the worst Shyamalan film I have seen yet. I just really didn't enjoy anything about it. For me it's Unwatchable, but I know many people who enjoyed it so who knows?

Planet Earth

The Good:
Beautifully - and I cannot stress this enough - BEAUTIFULLY filmed. There were some incredible shots in this series. Things that through the thousands of nature documentaries I have seen - I had still never seen before. The film crew was absolutely fabulous, the cinematographer was fabulous, the editing was fabulous.

This series did an amazing job of making you feel as though you were there - that you were a living breathing part of nature itself - instead of the outside observer which you become with most documentaries. For a humanity that has become so distanced from the Earth, from the grounding forces of nature - this series does an unbelievably good job of bring you back down with a comfortable ease.

Sigourney Weaver was an excellent choice for narrator. Her voice was calming and settled into the film so that you almost didn't notice it at times. That may not sound like a good thing - but so many times the narrator in a nature documentary takes over a film and you become focused on it instead of the film itself. This was not the case with SW.

The Bad:
There were some sequences that were just hard to watch - not because they were bad, because they were so real. It was a true vision of the struggle for survival and if seeing the reality of this is traumatic for you than this may not be your cup of tea - or there will be some segments you will simply have to skip.

It left you wanting more. Again - not sure this is necessarily a bad thing - but when it was over I definitely felt like there were more places I wanted to see, more things I wanted to know.

All in all:
Highly recommended. This was simply an amazing piece of work.

The Village

The Good:
This was the first time I had seen Bryce Dallas Howard, and she was quite good. I've seen a lot of movies with sighted people playing the blind and BDH did a passable job of making herself seem visually impaired - unlike many before her.

I just like Joaquin Phoenix. I think he is underrated and under appreciated, often falling into the shadow of what his brother could have been.

Adrien Brody - who is either take it or leave it for me - was quite entertaining in this film. However - I'm not certain he was intended to be quite as funny as I found most of his scenes to be.

Yet another instance where I am reminded how stunning Sigourney Weaver remains to this day. Would that we all could age with such grace.

The Bad:
It is a Shyamalan film, and thus horribly predictable - though he touts himself as being UNpredictable.

The quaint little village people just got on your nerves most of the time.

I felt like the woods were supposed to be a character unto themselves, but they just weren't fleshed out enough to be convincing or as menacing as they needed to be. Much more like the woods nearby a childhood home that you always gave this presence to - but when dared to enter them quickly found that they weren't scary at all.

The "creatures" were campy and staged and seemed like something out of a High School production of Little Red Riding Hood. How anyone could have been sincerely afraid of them and believed they were real for so long is a mystery more so than anything else in the film.

All in all:
Not being a Shyamalan fan - I tend to rank his movies in order of least to most tolerable rather than in line with other cinema. This one goes solidly in the middle with Unbreakable being the worst and Lady in the Water being the best (mostly because it strays from the formulaic repetition of his other films).

Not a horrible movie - but not all that good either.

Wicked Little Things

In retrospect, I shouldn't have watched this movie after watching Unrest. The previous movie was SO good this one would have had to be amazing just to keep up - needless to say... it did not.

The Good:
From looking at the cover art and reading the brief synopsis on the back I gathered I was in for some zombie children goodness - and the zombie children really were the only good thing about the film. They were amazingly creepy. Their movements, their look - and those eyes - even if they had been standing there doing something completely normal those eyes would be creepy.

The Bad:
The plot was awkward and heavy on gleaning from other/better zombie flicks.

The actors were just not good and were constantly doing things that made you think "why would you do that?" or "why didn't you do this?".

You were supposed to feel sorry for some of the characters - but you just didn't.

You were supposed to dislike others - but you just didn't.

In the end you just didn't care what happened to any of them and ultimately just wanted the movie to come to an end. Blissfully - it did.

All in All:
I really didn't think this was worth watching at all. I also didn't understand what was so "questionable" about this movie that made it impossible to get into theaters except as a part of this film festival. I think the only reason this film was never released was that it was bad.

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

The Good:
The campy "behind the scenes documentary" feel of this film was brilliantly executed.

The scenes of the "retired" cereal killer talking about the good old days was hysterical.

Great shout outs to other films of the slasher/horror genre in that "what Scream did right" kind of way.

Nathan Baesel - who played Leslie Vernon - was excellent.

The Bad:
The main female character was TOO over the top. I didn't care if she lived or died. In fact, I would have voted "die please - and soon so I don't have to listen to your idiotic ramblings anymore".

All in all:
Definitely unique - and enjoyable. I'd watch it again if I saw it on TV but I wouldn't pay for it. An assured one time viewer.

Dark Ride

The Good:
I have watched it - I never have to watch it again.

The Bad:
The entire cast, including Jamie-Lynn Sigler who I expected more from as she was great in The Sopranos.

The plot was done, done and over done.

Another horror film simply overflowing with cliche.

All in all:
Another bomb from the first After Dark Horror Fest. Better luck next year guys.

All the generic MTV era fluff with no substance.

The Hamiltons

The Good:
I like the "I shouldn't be seeing this" documentary style feel of the film.

The Bad:
The pacing was just off and left you bored instead of "along for the ride".

The characters were for the most part despicable - which meant you didn't care about them so once you added in the slow pacing you were left not caring at all whether or not you finished the movie.

All in all:
Sad really - the idea was actually a novel one that I haven't yet seen. I just wish it had been better executed. Another stinker from the first After Dark Horror Fest.

Penny Dreadful

The Good:
The freaky meat stick was way disturbing. I can't say any more. You'll know what I'm talking about if you see the film.

It did a passable job of building the feeling of claustrophobia.

The Bad:
The acting and writing were both bad.

This movie was chock full of those nonsensical "no one in their right mind would do that" moments which resulted in a complete lack of compassion for the main characters because anyone that stupid deserves what they will inevitably get.

All in all:
The title says it all - Dreadful. Another of the first After Dark Horror Fest to avoid.

The Messengers

The Good:
It had a good cast - they just didn't have a lot to work with.

Some good effects and genuine creepy moments - but they borrowed heavily from Asian cinema and didn't do it nearly as well.

The Bad:
This is another in the long line of - "I think I just figured out the whole story in the first 30 minutes - if I'm right I'm going to be really mad" - line of films. And once again - if you think you figured it out - you're going to be right.

All in all:
I spent more time trying to figure out where I'd seen Kristen Stewart (who plays Jess) than I invested in the entire movie. Turns out it's Panic Room. It was just a big let down because you really can figure it all out in the opening sequences - and once you've done that - there is really nothing else that keeps you watching, except the need to see if you were right - at which point you will feel stupid for continuing to watch.

Mortuary

The Good:
Well - the mortuary itself and some of the "stitching up the dead people" scenes were pretty creepy.

The Bad:
It was bad. Just plain bad. I don't even know where to start - it was all bad.

Tasha Yar (aka Denise Crosby) what has happened to you?

All in all:
Do not pass go, do not collect $200 - do not see this film. Even zombies can't save it.

Wind Chill

The Good:
The idea that souls could be trapped forever where they leave the world and that they will continue to come back to help or harm the living is always a disturbing one.

The blank slate of a deep winter's background is a powerful metaphor for desolation and isolation that will elicit fear in even a mediocre setting.

There were some very creepy moments.

The Bad:
I know I say this a lot - but I felt like I'd seen this movie before, and that it had been better.

Most of the time you either disliked or were indifferent toward the main characters.

The creepy moments were short lived and usually mired within some unending dullness.

All in all:
Pass.

Night Watch

The Good:
Fantastic overall cast.

Brilliant effects.

The subtitles were done in an amazingly artsy way that made them BECOME part of the film, instead of just running along the bottom and making you miss things. I wish more movies could pull this off.

Konstantin Khabensky was very, very good. He was totally believable as this formerly normal person who is just sucked into a world of weird one day and expected to deal.

Zavulon is deliciously evil - while still eliciting sympathy. A perfectly crafted villain.

Olga's transformation sequence is wonderfully done. Again - whoever does their effects is very good at what they do.

The execution of the stark contrast between the light and the dark was masterful - and yet the film still managed to allow you to see that everything was rooted in the same gray mire.

The Bad:
Svetlana. I understand she has a part to play but she was so boring and trite and a predictable mire in what was otherwise a standout film.

That disturbing little doll/spider thing that was reminiscent of the freak kids creations in Toy Story. It was upsetting - but it was probably supposed to be.

All in all:
Five Stars. See it - love it - then see the sequel and love it a bit less.

Hot Fuzz

The Good:
The combo of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost is just as hilarious here as in Shaun of the Dead. It was refreshing to see that as often times it doesn't work so well the second time around (see Super Troopers vs. Club Dread).

Timothy Dalton was absolutely hysterical - and I normally hate him quite a bit.

Please watch their analysis of Bad Boys more than once. I haven't laughed that hard since Tarantino's speech about Top Gun in Sleep With Me.

The Bad:
I don't think there was anything I can remember not liking.

All in all:
Great movie. Great follow up to Shaun. If you liked Shaun, you'll like this as well. Can't wait to see what else these guys have up their sleeves.

Beneath

The Good:
It was blissfully short.

The Bad:
Just about everything else.

The plot was predictable, not scary and really just sad.

The only decent actor in the film isn't a huge part of it as a whole.

Generic, generic, generic.

All in all:
Bleh. Forget it. The MTV logo on the front should tell you everything you need to know, I wish I had noticed it - sadly it was very small on the internet icon and I didn't make it out until it was too late. It's a mindless steaming pile of poo crapped out for the "now" generations non-existent intellect and attention spans.

Disturbia

The Good:
The little prank his friend pulls which involves a tower of Twinkees and a camera (that's all I'm saying, don't want to "ruin" it for anything - though it's gonna be rancid either way) was pretty entertaining.

Shia LaBeouf was at least tolerable... that's really all I've got.

The Bad:
The plot has already been done - much better - with better writers, better actors, and better directors.

I absolutely hated the "generic love interest/hot neighbor". She was horrible - and her teeth were weird as though they'd been filed down into nubs.

Carrie-Annie Moss' role may as well have been played by a corpse for all the livelihood that was in it. Of course - that's pretty much how I feel about her in general, but she was particularly bad here.

The villain role was generic, stereotypical and PREDICTABLE. A large part of this I blame on the fact that they cast the villain with David Morse - who save a small handful of roles - almost always plays "that generic creepy guy who might be eating your friends".

All in all:
People are going to tell you that this is the modern day version of Rear Window. Those people are either liars, fools, or being paid off by the movie company in some way to get people to watch their horrid generic little film. Don't bother with this. It's a waste of time. Just watch Rear Window and then take away everything that makes it good - then you will end up with Disturbia.

Monster House

The Good:
The animation was pretty good - though far more cartoony than I tend to like these days.

Great voice acting.

Solid overall story with something everyone, even adults can identify with. I mean - come on - who didn't have that house in their neighborhood whose yard you just DID NOT go into - not even on a dare.

I think this teaches a very good lesson for kids - which can't be said for a lot of today's kid oriented films - animated or not.

The Bad:
It's no Pixar.

I think it was a little to scary at times for the age to which it was marketed. I know if I was the age it appeared to be geared toward, I would have been super freaked out after seeing it.

All in all:
Worth seeing - but not in the rush out and get it kind of way. Good solid just chilling on the weekend and want to watch something fun faire though.

Little Miss Sunshine

The Good:
Quirky, fun story with lots of heart.

Very well written and acted.

Ran the gambit of emotions from hysterical laughter to hysterical tears.

Absolutely stellar ensemble cast.

Abigail Breslin was wonderfully funny and equally heartbreaking and most importantly REAL. So often child actors are just so rehearsed it isn't believable. Not in this case. You really felt for her through all her ups and downs.

Greg Kinnear - who is so often hit or miss for me - was 100% on the mark this time. He was equally real as both the mumbo-jumbo spouting motivational speaking asshole and as the struggling father just trying to hold things together.

Toni Collette - who I think is so very underrated as an actress - breaks my heart here, and that is what she is meant to do.

Alan Arkin is both a riot and a jagged little pill as the haggard but lovable grandfather figure.

Steve Carell - though incredibly low key - has what I think is his best role so far.

And last, but certainly not least - Paul Dano almost steals the show with a role that has him not speaking for a better part of the film.

The Bad:
Olive's dance sequence was almost painful to watch - though I'm certain that's exactly how it was meant to be.

Mothers who push their children to be Skipper in the disturbing Little Girl Beauty Pageants have always nauseated me. This film does not help that.

All in all:
One of the few times I can honestly say I agreed with the critics and the Oscar committee. This was an excellent film. I cannot recommend it highly enough. I will say - if you like it, give Happy Texas a try. Another little known gem.

Dead Waves

The Good:
It had a definite creepy feel throughout.

The cover was very well done, again - sucked in by the creepiness of the cover art.

There were some genuinely well done creepy Asian effects.

The Bad:
Seemed a bit hokey - the whole concept - the TV show about the supernatural that really just exploited the people shown on it as some sort of side show circus freaks was about as close to anything rational or real as the movie ever came.

It just didn't make sense.

All in all:
Another one to file under "I have run out of things to see and just want to watch something weird and creepy" but don't seek it out.

The Fountain

The Good:
It was a pretty film.

The Bad:
Though I have enjoyed both Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz before - I found them both to be stilted, flat and boring in this film. I think it was mostly the subject matter given to them was a bit to hokey for even them to buy.

Though pretty - it was often nonsensical past the willing suspension of disbelief. It left you confused and not in the "that just wasn't explained clearly" kind of way.

All in all:
Unless you just have the need to see something pretty with no substance, don't bother. And even then - I'm sure there are better ways to use your time.

Day Watch

The Good:
The contrast between light and dark (not to be confused with good and evil) is brilliantly done here as in Night Watch.

The color, cinematography and effects were beautiful to watch.

I have become a big fan of Konstantin Khabensky just due to these films. The gritty humanity of Anton is really what draws you in - though everything else is amazing as well.

I also enjoy Galina Tyunina as Olga. The sequences between she and Anton are always entertaining.


The Bad:
I didn't like Svetlana when she was a minor part of the first film, and I liked her even less as a major part of the second.

I felt this film was much less powerful than Night Watch. It was by no means a bad film, and is worth seeing if you have seen the first - but it just wasn't as good.

What happened to the artistic subtitles? If you've seen the first film - you'll know what I mean.

Return to Oz

The Good:
I saw this movie back when it first came out and it became one of my favorites. I had lost track of and almost forgotten it for years until I stumbled across it again. It has not lost anything that made me first love it - and many things I remember from childhood often fail to stand up to the harsh light of adulthood.

Fairuza Balk is wonderful. Yes - I understand many people had problems with her in this role because they remember Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz and cannot reconcile how the returning Dorothy could be younger than the initial visitor. Just look at them as separate entities and you will be fine. And if you want to get technical - Judy Garland's Wizard of Oz was way off the mark anyway - though I loved it as well.

Jean Marsh as Mombi with her interchangeable living heads remains to this day one of the most vividly frightening things I've ever seen.

The Bad:
I never did like this version of The Scarecrow. He's far too cartoony - as is The Cowardly Lion. I do think a lot of that has to do with the era during which this was filmed and not a failure on the part of the film itself.

The Wheelers are far to close to clowns - and I HATE clowns.

All in all:
I would still highly recommend seeing this if you never have, or even if you haven't in a long time. The only thing that I could see making people dislike this is if they are of the crowd who seems to think the technicolor old school Wizard of Oz is the bible for how all things Oz must be. To those of you, I say read the books - then watch this movie. Oz is much darker. Enjoy the Wizard of Oz with Judy Garland for what it is - a beautiful bit of childhood fluff.

A Tale of Two Sisters

The Good:
The directing, cinematography, acting and pacing of the film were well executed.

The Bad:
I didn't really "get" it. I tried - but I just didn't. I figured out the puzzle, but I didn't understand why it mattered and how everything else fell into place. I've read other reviews that said that "if you can't get this movie you're just lazy" - so I guess I'm lazy.

All in all:
I don't know - maybe see it if you like puzzles and don't mind the possibility that you could come out exceptionally confused.

Earthsea

The Good:
As a long time fan of the Legend of Earthsea series by Ursula K. Leguin, I was excited to see this finally made into a visual media. Particularly with the success of Harry Potter, which is pretty much Earthsea with some minor changes - I was anxious to see the better of the two come to light.

Visually it was very well done for a Sci-fi Channel Original. Sometimes they can be quite a bit hokey in their effects.

Danny Glover was perfectly cast as Ogion. He was exactly what I had always imagined the character to be.

The Bad:
It was too short to get the full story. Far too much was left out or changed from the book for it to be in any way a true adaptation.

Ged was an amazingly powerful and complex character - and Shawn Ashmore did not in any way shape or form capture this. He was Iceman, again.

Equally disappointing was Kristin Kreuk as Tenar - who was easily washed away and lost against her much stronger female cast-mates.

All in all:
If you liked the books, avoid it - it will only break your heart.

Three... Extremes

The Good:
The second short - Dumplings - is one of the most horrible things I have ever seen in a horror film. It doesn't show much - honestly - but that is much worse because the things you imagine are so much more twisted than anything they could show you. I can't say more because it would ruin the surprise.

The Bad:
The first short - Box - and the third short - Cut - both leave much to be desired. Box tries to tell you a creepy story of retribution for past sins - but is just mediocre and somewhat pedophilic at parts. The third, Cut, has a good psychological basis ala Fight Club - but just never quite gets there.

All in all:
This is a must see simply for Dumplings. Even if you skip the other two - which are enjoyable if not completely successful - don't miss Dumplings.

Mean Machine

The Good:
Good in that Lock, Stock/Snatch kind of way.

A good ensemble cast - fun to try to pick out who you have seen where.

This is, without a doubt, my all time favorite Jason Statham role. He is maniacally brilliant as The Mad Monk. So much fun.

The Bad:
Though I love Vinnie Jones as well - this is not his best role - which is ironic since both soccer and being dethroned from soccer due to questionable actions are both things to which he should be very familiar.

The constant snotty spitting of the "mad-bomber" main villain made me nauseous numerous times.

All in all:
If you liked Snatch and other films in that line - then you will enjoy this as well. Even if you didn't watch it just to see Statham as Monk.

The Number 23

The Good:
Jim Carrey was excellent. I tend to like him more in his non-comedic roles as I think at times he can go too far with his comedy. This wasn't Truman Show as far as performance goes, but he was still very, very good.

The viewer can easily follow the path of his obsession - and find themselves drawn and starting to buy into it as well.

Both Virginia Madsen and Danny Huston were good in their roles.

The Bad:
The viewer can easily follow the path of his obsession - and find themselves drawn and starting to buy into it as well.

All in all:
Very entertaining - which is, I suppose, the ultimate goal of cinema.

Blades of Glory

The Good:
I am a sucker for Wil Ferrell. I think most of the truly big laughs I've gotten over the past 10 years have been due to his over the top chaos.

I also love Jon Heder and he is equally funny. The two are perfectly paired.

Craig T. Nelson as the fanatical coach, also a good choice.

The Bad:
I don't know if I can say anything was truly bad. I'm not a big fan of either Will Arnett or Amy Poehler, so I guess that's something.


All in all:
I didn't go into this expecting anything except a few cheap laughs - and thus I wasn't let down. Don't go into it looking for more and you'll be fine too.

The Host

The Good:
It really did have that fun B-movie horror feel to it, if you allow yourself to be taken on the ride.

The acting wasn't bad - neither were the effects.

It had an odd mix of scientific what-ifs mixed with Godzilla-esque b-movie horror goodness that I enjoyed.

The Bad:
I found myself not understanding the motivations of the main characters, nor caring very much whether they lived or died - which is always a bad sign to me.

I didn't really feel like any battle had been won at the end - but maybe I wasn't supposed to.

All in all:
Fun b-movie, just don't think too hard.

Cache

The Good:
The film had a very menacing, unsettling feel to it - and the pacing added to that brilliantly.

The Bad:
It was segmented.

This is one time when I really did feel that subtitles took away from being able to enjoy the movie. If you became focused on the subtitles - which unless you understand French you are going to have to do - then you missed a lot of the movie.

Another film with a convoluted ending. I hate those.

All in all:

I had high hopes for this back when I saw the trailers when it was in Cannes. It was pretty much a complete let down. Pretty much all the good stuff was packed into the trailers. Maybe if I understood French and could have avoided the subtitles I would have liked it more.

The Benchwarmers

The Good:
This is the first movie - ever - I can say I didn't totally wish Rob Schneider was dead - which I guess is a good thing.

Jon Heder was funny - but he's always funny even if the movie sucks.

The Bad:
The movie became very generic Adam Sandler movie that tries to be funny then teach you a lesson in the end.

I hate David Spade unless he is with Chris Farley. Sadly, Farley is now deceased so I will forever hate David Spade.

I also hate Jon Lovitz.

All in all:
Don't spend money to watch this. If it comes on TV and you have nothing better to do while folding laundry, then so be it.

Stacy

The Good:
There was only one good thing about this movie. The chainsaw sold to "repeat-kill" the Stacys - "Bruce Campbell's Right Hand" - complete with infomercials. Brilliant.

Close runner up - "Romero Repeat-Kill Troops".

The Bad:
The acting was horrible.

The effects were horrible.

The story was horrible.

All in all:
I think this movie was trying to tell some kind of story - but I never did figure out what it was. Just don't bother, unless you want to try to explain it to me.

Deep Sea: IMAX

The Good:
I'm a sucker for documentaries - particularly nature documentaries. This one was very good.

You got to see a lot of really neat things that most people take for granted as the air breathing lot of us don't spend a lot of time under the deep sea.

Beautiful - just visually stunning at times.

The Bad:
As much as I like both Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet - I found the dueling narrators to be a bit distracting and it often took away from the focus of the film which was the complexity of undersea life. Choosing one and sticking with them would have been a better call as there was really no point in having two.

I think I lost a lot of the stun factor watching this at home on DVD rather than in and IMAX theatre as it was intended.

All in all:
Very, very good. It's no Planet Earth - but it's damn good.

Oldboy

The Good:
This movie just looked good.

The cinematography was top notch.

The color was rich.

The framing was excellent in a comic book kind of way.

The pacing was quick and never let up. Made the movie seem much shorter than it actually was.

The main actor - Min-sik Choi was very, very good.

The Bad:
This was billed as a horror movie, but it was not. It was definitely disturbing - but not as disturbing as it has always led me to believe. (One of the segments in this film is listed in Bravo's Scariest Movie Moments - but it wasn't nearly as bad as a ton of other things I've seen). It was no Ichi the Killer - but that's not necessarily a bad thing as Ichi the Killer made me feel like I needed to wash with steel wool just to get the grime off.

The movie was just too pretty to leave you nearly as disturbed as I think you were supposed to be.

All in all:
An Asian classic - not horror - not in the traditional sense. It had a very gritty, other-worldly Fight Club meets Nightwatch kind of feel. A must see for fans of good cinema.

The Illusionist

The Good:
The story was fantastical - yet grounded. I don't know how to explain it better. You became one of the audience members, watching the magic and trying to reconcile rational disbelief with the wonder and beauty of the illusion.

The use of color and the brilliant effects added to the magical feel of the film.

Paul Giamatti was again, excellent - as was Ed Norton.

The Bad:
I just don't like Jessica Biel. I think she's a crap T & A actress with little other function. The only thing I've ever liked her in was The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Remake) and that was just because she rolled around on the ground in her own spit and snot for awhile while she did her half-assed job of fake crying.

I don't like Rufus Sewell either. I haven't liked him in anything I've ever seen him in - and he just keeps popping up. He always plays the same guy - that generic asshole who really isn't all that convincing. His lazy eye bugs me - and yes, I realize he can't help that - but it bugs me all the same.

All in all:
I really enjoyed this film. The way Ed Norton and Paul Giamatti played off each other was fascinating to watch. The Illusions were convincing and pretty.

Lady in the Water

The Good:
It was a very good fairy tale.

The story was intriguing and kept you guessing throughout the film.

The characters were believable and you just felt for them. You wanted to believe.

Paul Giamatti was wonderful, as was Bryce Dallas Howard.

The Bad:
I dislike M. Night Shyamalan for many reasons, but the main one is that he insists on casting himself in a central role in all his movies. This movie was his worst call thus far. He really should keep himself out of his movies. There are plenty of actors out there who could do just fine.

A lot of the effects were just poorly done.

All in all:
For the most part I tend to avoid Shyamalan flicks like the plague that they are - but this is one case where I would recommend going against that principle. It was a very good film - his role aside.

The Monster

The Good:
It tried very hard to be a good "lesson" story - a fable if you will.

The Bad:
It wasn't a horror movie - and that's what it was billed as.

In no way was it scary - mostly it was just sad, and not necessarily because it was supposed to be.

It was intended to teach you a lesson, to make you look at and dissect who in the movie was truly the "monster" - but it just failed to get there.

All in all:
I'd say pass. It's just not good.

The Abandoned

The Abandoned Trailer (2007) - Click here for more home videos


The Good:

Everything I love about a horror film - this movie gave me - and in scads! It managed to pull off things I typically attribute to Asian movies and do so better than I've ever seen done before. It was WONDERFULLY creepy - so much so that I had to do something else for an hour before bed last night just so I would stop thinking about just how much it got to me!

The sound and the camera angles in this movie were dead on. They gave you a constant uneasy feeling that just never let up - even in the end. The flashes of disturbing if puzzling images that the Asians do SO well were flawlessly integrated into this piece.

It gave you no safe havens - no tiny corners in the light where you could catch your breath for a moment and feel safe. It hit you hard from the opening minutes of the film and didn't let up until the credits rolled. I was horrified the entire time and at this point I've seen SO many horror movies that is hard to do. Bravo ADHF - BRAVO.

The Bad:
Well... you don't really know what "happens" in the end - or why/how it "happens" but I don't really think you're supposed to - so I'm not sure that's really a bad thing.

All in all:
If you see one film from the first After Dark Horror Fest - this should be it.

Reincarnation

The Good:

Asian cinema is always unbelievably good at seriously making you feel an emotion, whatever they might be going for (disoriented, unsettled, afraid), and this film did not disappoint.

The jerky just "off" movements of the characters - that "not quite right" color in some rooms - the camera angles and the music/sound all worked brilliantly together to make you feel a constant weight of dread pressing in on you.

This film did contain one of the creepiest things I've seen in a long time - the doll. I'm not going to say anything else - if you see/have seen the film then you/you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

The Bad:
Once again in the end I was left in complete confusion. Unfortunately - as brilliant as the Asian horror is on all other fronts - the confusion factor at the end can be very high. I'm not sure if I was more annoyed because at the had no idea what had happened or because since I couldn't figure out what had happened the feeling of unease just wouldn't let up. Either way - I wanted something more and just didn't get it.

All in all:
Good Asian horror - not nearly as good as Ju-on or Ringu - but good. If you like puzzles as endings and don't mind the risk of being continually unsettled when you can't figure out what happened - it's worth a watch.

Hellboy: Sword of Storms

I'm a big fan of the Hellboy series so I couldn't resist checking out the animated version of a comic story I was already familiar with.

The Good:
The animation was good and did justice to Mignola's original comic.

I love Hellboy's dry sense of humor in the face of - well - pretty much anything that goes bump in the night.

Ron Perlman - 'nuff said.

The Bad:
I just don't like Selma Blair - there - I've said it. I think she's a horrible actress and no where near what Liz was intended to be. Even in non "live action" I still don't want her to be there.

All in All:
If you like Hellboy - go for it, great film and a few of my favorite Hellboy tales. If you don't like Hellboy - then clearly you are insane - but this is not for you.

Unrest

The Bad:
I'm not sure this is really a "bad" but the movie just wasn't a horror movie to me. It was, undoubtedly, a well crafted suspense flick - but just not really horror. It was like they took a great science based suspense story and tried to "horror it up" with some mystical mumbo jumbo. To some extent I think this weakened what could have been an incredibly powerful film.

There were some really "unbelievable" survival sequences - you know the ones, they're in almost every movie. That always really bugs me.

There is a character in this movie who should have died - yet, in the "epilogue" sequence at the end - there he is, going about his business as though nothing happened.

The ending was kind of "okay - but what did all of this mean". There really was no sense of closure or feeling really as though most of the rest of the movie had been adequately explained. I guess after the brilliance of the rest of the movie I just expected - more - from the ending.

All in all:
Definitely worth a see - but don't go into it expecting typical horror because you will be disappointed. Even the gore (it's a gross anatomy lab for most of the movie) isn't very "gory".

The Gravedancers

Another from the After Dark Horror Fest series. Going in to seeing this one they were 2 and 2 from last years. Unfortunately after seeing this movie they are now 2-3.

The Good:
That guy from Prison Break (Dominic Purcell) is pretty.

The Bad:
Almost every single horror movie cliche is contained within this film - and unlike with Scream, they aren't doing it to be funny.

The "ghosts" may as well have been taken out of any one of the Evil Dead trilogy because every damn one of them was a Deadite.

That guy from Prison Break is a bad actor, though I will give him a passing grade for Blade Trinity.

All in all:
No, for the love of all that is pure and holy, no.

The Descent

I remembered my Dad mentioning to me that the critics really "loved" this film. I should have learned by now that if the critics love it - I should avoid it at all costs. After all - the critics loved The English Patient and I think I'd rather have a flesh eating disease than ever come close to watching that again.

The Good:
Ass kicking women. I love a good "ass kicking women" film - and as this was an all chick flick - I definitely got that.

Um.... the cave was pretty.

The Bad:
I went from thinking "well this is neat" to "ugh - when will this end".

While it tried not to be The Cave, I couldn't help but think - yup, it's The Cave - but with chicks and monsters that are less of a Pitch Black ripoff.

The plot seemed tired and done numerous times in numerous ways. Group goes exploring out in the middle of nowhere and neglects to tell anyone where they are going. Someone in group does stupid thing hurting themselves and getting group stranded. Idiot group leader neglects to inform anyone where group is going. Uh-oh there's something else in here!

The ending was nonsensical.

All in all:
For the sheer moments of ass-kicky goodness The Descent gets a decent review. But it's definitely a "hey - there's nothing else on TV, I'll watch this" kind of movie.

Pan's Labyrinth

I have been wanting to see this film for a long time now. It did not disappoint me.

The Good:
The film was beautiful.

The use of color was amazing, it was a living breathing part of the film.

The story really drew you in - like an otherworldly version of Anne Frank.

The music - also beautiful - even heartbreaking at times.

The actors were superb.

I can honestly say the "villain" is one of the best I've seen since Spacey in Swimming With Sharks. You REALLY hate this guy. You want him to die horribly and slowly - and that is the mark of a good actor (in a villain role anyway).

It also - my husband and I agreed - had one of the most disturbing scenes we'd ever seen in a movie (horror included). I won't tell you any more. You'll know it when you see it.

The Bad:
The ending is a bit - confusing I guess? It's almost a "choose your own adventure" kind of ending it that it is left up to you to decide what you think happened. I won't say more for fear that I ruin it for someone.

Though it doesn't bother me in most cases - and didn't affect me at all in this film since I speak Spanish (or rather understand what is being said) - the film is subtitled which tends to push some people away.

All in all :
A definite must see if you are a fan of fantasy and stunning visuals. If you liked Lord of the Rings and even the quiet poignant beauty of Shindler's List, you'll like Pan's Labyrinth.

The Grudge 2

Not normally something I would have gone for - I tend to like the Asian versions far better than their watered down, dumbed down American remakes - but I read on the cover that Sam Raimi had worked with the original director (Takashi Shimizu, who did the original Ju-on). I thought that perhaps with the two teamed together it might be better this time around. Plus my husband preferred to see the American version because the Asian ones can be "too confusing".

The Good:
I don't have to watch it again.

Okay - perhaps it was good because it explained what happened in the first movie better (though if they had done a better job of translating the first film - Shimizu told you the first time around - they just chose to leave that part out).

The Bad:
Almost everything else.

The beginning of the movie was actually the end of the original Ju-on (the Asian version of The Grudge). At first I wondered why they hadn't just included it in the first movie as intended - then I realized it was a pitiful attempt to draw people back to see this steaming pile of dog crap by letting them believe that Sarah Michelle Gellar was going to be in it for more than a few minutes. I can't begin to explain how banal I find Americanized versions of Asian horror films. All the "interpreters" seem to ever manage to do is take everything that makes Asian horror so good and creepy and water it down to the point that it doesn't even slightly manage to come close to that.

was a beautiful Chopin piece - than The actors were horrid, everything seemed badly staged, it was just bad - plain bad. If Ju-anThe Grudge, and it's mediocre continuation were a 50 Cent show. Bleh.

All in all:
Avoid at all costs - unless of course you'd rather have warm piss instead of beer in which case, this movie is perfect for you!

1408

The latest contribution from Stephen King. The cover raved "it's the best adaptation of a King story since The Shining". Well - anyone who read The Shining knows that the movie was little to nothing like the book - which would make the movie (as much as I love "here's johnny" Jack) a rather shitty adaptation. That said - we rented it anyway.

The Good:
There were some honestly creepy Jacob's Ladder moments.

I love John Cusack - even if he's in crap.

The Bad:
It all felt like it had been done before - not only that, but like it had been done before by King himself.

The characters were just rehashes of characters you had already seen in almost every other story the man has written.

There was not nearly enough Samuel L. Jackson (though in the scenes it is funny to imagine him saying "I'm sick of these fucking people wanting in this fucking room!"

The ending was "supposed" to be one of those "wow - bet you didn't see that coming" endings - but it felt more like "wow - could you possibly have done anything to make this movie dumber?

All in all:
I'd say don't waste your time. Rent The Shining again instead.

The Hitcher (Remake)

The Hitcher Trailer - Click here for this week’s top video clips

The Good:
I do love Sean Bean - even when he's in a stinker of a movie he's still Sean Bean.

The Bad:
Sigh... where to begin. First of all - Monkey Lord, I hope you read this - MICHAEL FUCKING BAY! Why does this man think adding huge explosions and nonsensical car crashes makes everything better? IT DOES NOT.

He also added an extra character - a girl who accompanies the main character.

He added all sorts of crazy typical Bay insanity.

He wrote out the ONE scene from the original that I thought would be totally up his alley, got rid of everything that made the original movie good - and ended up with a crap fest that was seriously like an hour long? What an idiot. I hope he goes sterile, his eyes fall out, and all his fingers fold backward.

Over All: Rent the original. The original is a classic. If you feel the need to abuse yourself, please, cuts and burns before you watch this movie.

The Return

The Good:
Plot was very neat, not great - just neat.

I really enjoyed the colors of the film and the subtle things that made you believe what was happening to the character.

I honestly think that Sarah Michelle Gellar is a better actress than people give her credit for - she was alright here, but Buffy will always be her best.

I thought the cover art was exceptionally creepy - it's what drew me to choose this film, though the film itself was far less creepy than the cover art would lead you to believe.

The Bad: Once again - though you understood much more than in Session 9, there were still many things you just didn't get at the end.

Also - SMG was supposed to be from Texas but she had her normal accent. I'm thankful she didn't do a BAD accent like every one Costner has ever tried - but something, any kind of effort at all, would have been nice.

Over All: Meh, wouldn't kill you to watch it if it came on TV or something but don't go out of your way.

Jackass Number Two

Jackass Number two Trailer - MyVideo

The Good:
I'm sorry - I admit it - I think these guys are funny.

I definitely laughed my ass off through most of this one just like the first one.

The Bad:
It's Jackass - there's always someone eating something you really never wanted to see.

Over All:
If you like Jackass it's funny. If Jackass isn't your cup of tea, then don't watch it - it's Jackass in movie form

Session 9

The Good:
Very interesting story in theory. Acting was good, and the setting for the movie was super creepy in the Silent Hill (game NOT movie) kind of way.

Just the building itself was awesome! It BECAME the primary character in the movie - and it was an excellent character. If only they'd put a better story into it.

The Bad:
Hard to follow. At the end you were really confused as to what had happened - and it wasn't a foreign film either. It wasn't that things didn't make sense - but rather that you just couldn't understand them.

Over All:
I wish I could recommend it just so you can see how wonderfully creepy the setting was... but I just can't.

Flight of the Living Dead

The Good:
I have nothing good to say about this movie.

The Bad:
Everything. The acting, the plot (or lack there of), the effects, the sound, the camera angles, the makeup, the lighting. It was all horribly stinky bad.

The Tiger Woods wannabe guy was probably the worst of all.

Over All:
I'm sick of these mother fucking zombies on this mother fucking plane!